In light of recent events, I have come to the startling realization that I need psychiatric help. As I mentioned the last time I spoke to you guys, my people aren't the greatest. I was convinced there for awhile that they wanted to hurry along my death a bit, what with scary hikes, freezing water, and other such tortures. I didn't realize until just this week though the psychological games they are playing on me. Let me give you some details.
Despite my continuous efforts to tell them that I don't care for other people they decided to leave me with complete strangers for five whole days. I don't know how they got "please leave me with possible lunatics" from my constant barking at strangers and hiding under the bed when someone knocks on the door. Those actions clearly mean "I would rather live under the bed in my own feces with no food until you come home, thank you very much!" Anyway, the geniuses totally misread me and left me with a new girl and guy for awhile.
Let me just say, my eyes have been opened. I had no idea life could be SO GOOD! These people treated me like a king. Long runs in the morning, trips to the park every day. Every day! That is decidedly more than the couple of times a month Blondie and the Guy (he has taken to shaving lately) manage to arrange themselves enough for a trip to a real park. These new people gave me treats every time I did something cute which, let's face it, was just about all the time. They had a fenced yard where I could play, and no strange noises coming from the walls at all hours of the day. It was incredible. They even arranged their schedules so that I was never left alone for more than a couple of hours at a time. Sometimes The Guy and Blondie leave me right after my "strictly business" morning walk and don't return for....well....for a while. I don't have the clearest sense of time, but it seems like a long while when they go.
And then one day they came back. Blondie came in all smiley, clearly expecting me to fawn all over her. Well, I was going to show her. I didn't go to her right away, and then I was quite aloof in the car. However, my resolve began to break rather quickly. When The Guy took a nap that afternoon, I slept right next to him on the couch. I am so ashamed. Then I slept practically nose to nose with Blondie all night. I realize in hindsight that I was afraid she would leave if I moved. Something is clearly wrong with me. These people neglect me, abandon me at will, and play sick head games with me that result in my undying devotion. Somebody help me! I need the number of a good mental professional. I feel like a Lifetime tv character that keeps letting the abusive husband back into her life even though she knows better. Just call me Rhonda JoBeth. No matter what, I stand by my man...and Blondie.