Saturday, December 22, 2007

Poodle Point of View: SOS

Shh...I am writing this while Blondie and the Bearded One are in the other room. This is very important. I need your help, NOW! You can't let them know you are coming to my aid. Be advised, they are highly unstable people with twisted personalities. I have questioned their incompetence in the past and my likelihood of survival among them, but the game has suddenly changed. TORTURE!

They recently quit feeding me extra meals throughout the day, as though I can live on my regular portion of dog food. I am starving all the time and they are using this against me. Around the time they quit feeding me they brought home a torture bag. Blondie puts treats in the back, knowing I will do anything for food right now, and then she locks me in for minutes at a time. Locks me in! For minutes! I understand from listening endlessly to the Bearded One that this is against the law.

Now, I wouldn't ask for help if that was all that was going on. I am asking because of today's events. It was awful....I don't even think I can talk about it. They took me out of the house and allowed two other strange people to violate my body with various probes. I heard words like "thermometer, vaccination, and health certificate." I don't know what that means, but I can tell you it is NOT good. Especially the one that was rammed up my....well...use your imagination. They also dropped some sort of poison in my ears. I thought I was a gonner then and fought for my life. Alas, I am no match for the vulgar human form. Please help me. They are currently preparing to shave and trim my hair. I can only imagine this is meant to break my spirit once and for all. I don't have much time.... Oh look, a treat in the bag!

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