Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The One Where I Wave the White Flag

Washing my face in a Babies R Us water fountain can easily be counted among the many things I never really saw myself doing in life. But that is exactly where I found myself yesterday morning. I'll just start at the beginning.

Sergio asked me recently if I could be any more pitiful and I answered, "every time I think I have hit the bottom I find a whole new level of pitiful, so probably yes." And that has been my life for the last week and a half or so. It started with some mysterious symptoms while we were staying in Pocahontas. When I called to ask my midwife about them I was told to go immediately to the emergency room. Okay, sure. I don't think it is that big of a deal, but we are out of town, so I go. An infection, but probably not pre-term labor. Here, have an incredibly painful shot in the rear end and then you need to drive an hour and 20 minutes up the road to the nearest Ob/gyn office and be monitored there.
Two hours later, Sergio and I are sitting in the Newport, AR OB office surrounded by very nice people, but also lots and lots of abandoned bloody surgical instruments. Again I am placed in a butt-less gown and hooked up to monitors. As we suspected, nothing. But hey! Why not another painful shot in the rear for good measure?! You know it is going to be unpleasant when their words of comfort are, "okay, brace yourself for a big stick and then burning."
I get a prescription and we drive on down to Little Rock a day early. It is difficult to sit in the car because of my shots.
And then Christmas Eve and Christmas! Yay! Lots of fun and good food and watching my great Aunts and cousins and grandmother attempt guitar hero! Ashley, Carla, Mom...I need you to send me pictures because I was too lazy to get my camera out of the car. So the holiday itself was lovely, even the part where we didn't go to bed until 1:00 am and then my niece burst into the room at 5:30 am with, "Aunt Dawn, Uncle Sergio come on. Santa Claus already came!"
There were just two relatively small problems. The prescription I was given was causing the most insane heartburn I have had since I was on daily reflux medication, and I was coming down with a cold I had carried with me from Dallas. Separately these things are irritating. Together they are the makings of a horror film. And that brings us to yesterday at the Babies R Us.
I begin to have a coughing fit at the front of the store. The mucus in my head is so thick that I can't get a breath between the coughs. On top of this I can still feel my breakfast burning a hole in my chest. I take off toward the back where I had seen the bathroom. Three steps into this journey I vomit. I don't know what other people would do in this situation. Maybe there is something more rational than what I did. You'll have to let me know. I simply caught the vomit below my chin and held it there while I calmly continued to walk to the back of the store, all the time hoping I wouldn't cough again and splatter everywhere. By the time I make my way to the back I have snot dripping profusely out of my nose into the rest of the mess and I know I am about to lose it again if I don't find somewhere to unload. And then I get there. Ladies Restroom. Finally.
Closed for cleaning.
I can see the man inside cleaning, but can't explain why I need in. I open the door to the Mother's Room. No sink, no trash can, no toilet. At this point I am no longer calm, but start running toward the men's restroom. Before I get there I see the water fountain. And that I where I finally manage to let go.
And at the risk of coming off as a total hypochondriac I won't even go into the part about throwing my back out so that every time I cough my left leg buckles. Let's just all agree that my child might be trying to kill me, and pregnancy is stupid.
I don't know exactly what I am surrendering to, but I surrender. You win.
Happy New Year!

1 comment:

Shelley said...

I'm just going to say OMG! I can't think of a comment to do that justice.