On Stage

I know it is a terrible movie, but has anyone else seen The Princess Diaries?  I only ask because I want you to recall the scene where she gets sat on by a classmate and then later mentions to her friend that she was sat on again because she is invisible.  

What you need to understand about me is that I spent a good portion of my life striving for this sort of invisibility.  I know how to hide partially behind classmates in order not to be chosen first in volleyball and then how to strategically move out so you can be chosen right in the middle.  The key was not to get out of playing, but to not to have to stand in front of the room alone for any amount of time.  Don't want to get called on to answer a question in class?  Don't make extended eye contact, but don't make no eye contact.  It is a very delicate balance.  I was darn good at it.  

Which is why I find this last bit of pregnancy so very...disconcerting.  Not awful, not good, just uncomfortable.  Walking in the mall I was passed by a woman who yelled across the hall at me, "There you go, girl!"  As if to say, "look at you still walking around.  How cute of you!"  And in a parking lot a man called out congratulations.  And every cashier I have come across has asked all the obligatory questions.  When are you due?  What are you having?  Are you nervous?  

Or they don't ask anything and just say, "You look like you are about to pop."  Who doesn't love to hear that?  And I have been hearing it for at least four weeks now.  I also get a lot, and I mean A LOT of pointing at my belly followed by, "a boy, huh?"  This is then followed by a lengthy discussion about how it is a girl, but no it can't be because I am carrying too high and in the front, but we have three ultrasounds that say it is a girl, well I hope you have some boy things just in case, we would be perfectly happy if it was a boy, and so on.

I think I just have to deal with it.  I am the size of a, um, we'll go with barge.  My belly button sticks out through all of my clothes.  This causes even the most discrete people to point and smile indulgently, or the less discrete to elbow their spouses in the ribs and laugh.  

I think we are doing everything we can at this point, but if anyone has any suggestions for how to get this kid out any earlier, I am all ears.