Where should I begin? The humans have been behaving strangely for a long time now. I was angry when we moved to this hot place and our house had no carpet. Oh, how they laughed the first few times I tried to run around and fetch my toys. It is NOT funny when I run into walls! They are so immature.
But then things got even stranger. The blonde one started growing. And growing. And growing. This made it really difficult for me to find my comfortable spot in bed or on the couch. I thought this was really inconsiderate on her part.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any bigger, she and the bearded one left the house for nearly two days and then came back with...Something.
I don't even know how to describe this thing. It is small like another dog...but it isn't a dog. It smells a lot like the other humans, but it doesn't look like any human I have ever seen. It can't walk, or talk, or really do anything for itself at all. As far as I can tell, the only purpose of this new thing is to make noise. Lots of noise.
When The Thing first arrived I did what I could to avoid the noise. But the more it was around the more I began to notice that it needed my help. I mean, those humans are always trying to kill me so I don't know why this new thing would have it any different!
They have this terrible habit of putting it down and walking away. Who just walks away from something that can't do anything for itself? It was asleep recently and they put it in a large cage in the bedroom with me and then just left. Fearing the humans were just too dumb to realize this was a mistake I got out of bed and found them on the couch. No matter how many times I got their attention and went back to the bedroom, they just would not follow. They weren't dumb, just evil.
Not long after that the blonde one left the thing alone on the couch and walked into another room. Again with this?! What is wrong with them? I don't know much about The Thing, but it certainly looks capable of rolling around. I immediately sat behind it on the couch to keep it in place. I am going to have to really be on my guard to help the humans keep this one alive.
And though the presence of The Thing comes with NOISE and at the expense of my regularly scheduled walks, it is worth it. Why? Well, it is forever spitting out this really smelly food. If I just sit close and wait I get all kinds of extra little treats throughout the day. Awesome. I believe The Thing and I will make a great team against those idiot humans someday.